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From: msnakeg <msnakeg at NETZERO.NET>
Subject: Fw: God and Lawns

I thought you all could appreciate this...

Imagine the conversation The Creator might have had with St. Francis
on the subject of lawns.


GOD: FRANCIS, you know all about gardens and nature. What in the

world is going on down there in the USA? What happened to the

dandelions, violets, thistle, and stuff I started eons ago? I had a

perfect,no-maintenance garden plan. Those plants grow in any type of

soil,  withstand drought, and multiply with abandon. The nectar from

the long-lasting  blossoms attracts butterflies, honey bees, and

flocks of songbirds. I expected to see a vast garden of colors by now.

But all I see are these green rectangles.


ST. FRANCIS: It's the tribes that settled there, God. The

Suburbanites.

They started calling your flowers "weeds" and went to great lengths to

kill  them and replace them with grass.


GOD: Grass? But it's so boring. It's not colorful. It doesn't attract

butterflies, birds, and bees, only grubs and sod worms. It's

temperamental with temperatures. Do these Suburbanites really want

all that grass growing there?


ST. FRANCIS: Apparently so. They go to great pains to grow it and

keep it green. They begin each spring by fertilizing grass and

poisoning  any other plant that crops up in the lawn.


GOD: The spring rains and warm weather probably make grass grow really

fast. That must make the Suburbanites happy.


ST. FRANCIS: Apparently not, Supreme Being. As soon as it grows a

little, they cut it, sometimes twice a week.


GOD: They cut it? Do they then bail it like hay?


ST. FRANCIS: Not exactly. Most of them rake it up and put it in bags.

GOD: They bag it? Why? Is it a cash crop? Do they sell it?


ST. FRANCIS: No, God, just the opposite. They pay to throw it away.


GOD: Now let me get this straight: they fertilize grass so it will

grow;  and when it does grow, they cut it off, and then they pay to

throw it away?


ST. FRANCIS: Yes, Creator.


GOD: These Suburbanites must be relieved in the summer when we cut

back on the rain and turn up the heat. That surely slows the growth

and saves them a lot of work.


ST. FRANCIS: You aren't going to believe this. When the grass stops

growing so fast, they drag out hoses and pay more money to water it

so  they can continue to mow it and pay to get rid of it.


GOD: What nonsense. At least they kept some of the trees. That was a

sheer stroke of genius, if I do say so myself. The trees grow leaves

in the spring to provide beauty and shade in the summer. They use

carbon monoxide and release oxygen. In the Autumn, their leaves fall

to the ground and form a natural blanket to keep moisture in the soil

and protect the trees and bushes.  Plus, as they rot, the leaves form

compost to enhance the soil. It's a natural circle of life.


ST. FRANCIS: You'd better sit down, God. The Suburbanites have drawn a

new circle. As soon as the leaves fall, they rake them into great

piles and pay to have them hauled away.


GOD: No. What do they do to protect the shrub and tree roots in the

winter and to keep the soil moist and loose?

ST. FRANCIS: After throwing away the leaves, they go out and buy

something which they call mulch. They haul it home and spread it

around in place of the leaves.


GOD: And where do they get this mulch?


ST. FRANCIS: They cut down trees and grind them up to make the mulch.

GOD: Enough. I don't want to think about this anymore. St. Catherine,

you're in charge of the arts. What movie have you scheduled for us

tonight?


ST. CATHERINE: "Dumb and Dumber," God. It's a real dumb movie
about....


GOD: Never mind. I think I just heard the whole story from St.Francis

Hoped laughed as hard as me.

Mark Gustafson
USDA zone 7



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